Other than the IM, the season has gotten to me.
I love winter so much! It's when I come alive! This past week I couldn't stand seeing other people make or talk about building their gingerbread house.
So, using my niece as an excuse, I got a gingerbread house. We built it with happiness! It came with the old Demon Claus, a sleigh, and two reindeer. I placed the icing on the gingerbread and my niece place the pieces together. Teamwork, for a while. Me being that perfectionist, I felt I took the joy out of making it for my niece. I was demanding of the direction of how they should be placed. Also being the impatient person, I make things happen. I didn't want her to be sad so I let her decorate the entire house. I got it so I could decorate it, but she needs it more than me. I was stripped from my childhood and I don't want her to be. I want her to have fun when she's a child. Yes, I'll still prepare her for the future, but it's in those moments where the child's memories will stay.
The day after, she got out of school early and we went to the mall. If you know me and my reasons of the past, I hate hate HATE the mall. I don't hate it because what happened there, if we go by what happened there, then I would never want to leave that place. I hate it because I want to keep the memories the same. I don't want them to be changed. Remembering those events is hard. It's not that I don't want to move past, but that I have no reason to move past them. Well, on to other subjects.
One of the issues I've been struggling with is loneliness. I'm very outgoing and very friendly, yet I am not compatible with many people. It's hard finding somebody else who loves to run, cycle, or swim. And when I do find a person who likes one of those, it's only for short distances. I'll ask if they like to run, they say the love to run. We should run together, I suggest. Sure! How far?, they ask. Ten miles I say. Apparently, that's way to far. So on with the search.
I felt very lonely and very bored with my surroundings. Then it happened. PEANUTS aired on television. YES! It was the old happy Charlie Brown wants to know the meaning of Christmas. Linus tells the story of the coming of the Christ and Charlie Brown walks away satisfied. He doesn't care about the people who discourage him at the things he does and walks past them with a smile. It's not about them. I now feel great about the same situation he was in. It's not about the gifts, the decorations, or the holiday sweets.
I can now say I enjoy the season of being single and know that it will pass.
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