When Hope Doesn't Speak

I started cycling about two years ago. I think back and it still shocks me to see how fast these two years have gone for cycling.


I started out with a mountain bike. That lasted for about three months.
I quickly wanted to get on a road bike.
To see what it's like to fly.


After a few trials, I finally got my red bike. I named it "Red Velvet."
I was thinking "Red Bullet" or "Red Betsy," but nobody liked those names.


Recently, I haven't been able to ride or do any type of training. I miss cycling. I love the smell of the morning, just as the sun rises and the heat starts to pick up. There's that cold breeze that comes every now and then, but the rest of the ride is warm air. Being out almost in the middle of nowhere listening to the sounds of the forest. Wondering if I'll see another cyclist or if I'm the first out. Then I get to the drop which overlooks miles and miles of mountains and cactus. Seeing another city and watching the sun rise on my right.


The running, I loved running almost as much as cycling. I used to love it more than cycling, but lately it's been taxing. I haven't been able to run either. There were times when I would just run and run and keep going without a care in the world. It didn't matter what time I had to return because that was my duty. Running. Going out in the middle of the day while the sun is burning down on everything. Seeing everything wither away while I live at the fullest. The road being so hot that it's scorching my shoes and burning my feet.


It gets more challenging to get into these as things start to arise. Whether it be more responsibility or if my family thinks I need to put them first. Struggles that don't mean anything and aren't worth bothering with, yet they're there.


I keep looking for a training partner to train with. Hoping that she would keep me on track as we train together. Wanting somebody who will be more than a friend. Wanting that person who I will want to surrender everything to. It's tough finding out that there's nobody out there for me.


Recently, I haven't been able to train. . .