Finding Failure

It's getting harder and harder to write these.
I have so much to say, but I feel as though nobody wants to listen.


It's getting harder and harder to become a personal trainer or even a professional triathlete.
I have goals. I have accomplished some, but what next?


It's like there isn't enough time for anything anymore. I wake up go for a ride, go for a run, go to work, come home and I'm alone in all of those places.


Nobody to talk to and nobody wanting to get to know me.
What's the point of it?


I had so much passion for cycling.
What happened to it?
Things keep coming up and shoving me away from it.
Am I not supposed to be doing that?


I want a friend that I can do things with.
A girl.
A best friend.
One that I can get to know because I want to.
One who wants to know me because she WANTS to.


All of these goals, coming to an end.
I have no time to do what I want.


Where can I find that friend?
Cycling, they all want something different.
Running, they all just do it for self image.


It's hard finding out that there's nobody out there for me.
No girl who wants to truly know who I am.
I've had one girlfriend. And even from the beginning, she didn't want to be with me.
I devoted myself to her so much that I couldn't stop loving her for two years after we got split up.


I want somebody who really wants me as a friend. Somebody who will sacrifice time, like I do, to just spend five minutes with me.


I've done that so many times for friends. I got to campus two hours earlier than when my classes started, just to see them for two minutes as they passed by from class to go to another class. I knew that those two minutes were worth the wait.


Cycling in the most bizarre times that are completely hectic to my schedule, just to try and find somebody to keep them company. Just for two intersections and knowing that it was worth it.


Running at times that when my legs were done with and had nothing left in them, just so they aren't alone. Not even talking during the run. Just being there meant more to me that talking.


I've found that no girl wants to be with me.
I've found that no cyclist wants a training partner for just two minutes.
I've found that no runner, really wants quite time.


That no person is wanting me.
I've found failure.
Failure at cycling.
Failure at running.


Right now, I'm just a detailer. Nothing more.
No morning rides.
No morning runs.


There's no point in trying to invest time in somebody who doesn't even want me there. It was all a waste thinking that there was somebody who wants me.


All of these passions, a waste.

The running start.

Running has always been a passion of mine. I never used to run so much, but I loved doing it. Getting into triathlons has allowed me to express my love for running. Sometimes I would go for hours and not stop running. The pain was only an encouragement.

Where running is easy, finding the right running shoes isn't.

A few years ago, I got these shoes from a common store. Nothing high priced; cheap in fact. These shoes never got worn down. I don't know why. I've had them for years and they're still good! If you're an avid runner like me, you would know how surprised I am. Up until recently there was still tread on them, they were still cushion-y, and still comfy.

I starting distance running about two years ago. 10 January 2009 to be exact. I had gotten separated from the person who I loved most. We sort of had a long distance relationship. The distance was 13.1 miles. So, I would say every now and then when we were together that if I had a bike, I would bike to her house just to see her for five minutes then go back home. She was flattered.

After we got separated, I still didn't have a bike, so I ran. I didn't make it completely the first time. I was about one street away when I got full of fear. I turned around and headed home. The second time, I made it. She never knew. I never told her. I never told anybody until now. I would do this constantly. Probably twice a week. I kept this up for a while. The time kept getting shorter and shorter, but still lengthy.

I had just bought new shoes about a month before we got separated. I used these shoes to run to her house.

The shoes now are finally worn out. They're still comfy, but they hurt to run in. So, it's time for them to retire.

I'm going to spray paint them gold and get them into a glass case. They are my reward. They got me started for the Ironman triathlon.

When Hope Doesn't Speak

I started cycling about two years ago. I think back and it still shocks me to see how fast these two years have gone for cycling.


I started out with a mountain bike. That lasted for about three months.
I quickly wanted to get on a road bike.
To see what it's like to fly.


After a few trials, I finally got my red bike. I named it "Red Velvet."
I was thinking "Red Bullet" or "Red Betsy," but nobody liked those names.


Recently, I haven't been able to ride or do any type of training. I miss cycling. I love the smell of the morning, just as the sun rises and the heat starts to pick up. There's that cold breeze that comes every now and then, but the rest of the ride is warm air. Being out almost in the middle of nowhere listening to the sounds of the forest. Wondering if I'll see another cyclist or if I'm the first out. Then I get to the drop which overlooks miles and miles of mountains and cactus. Seeing another city and watching the sun rise on my right.


The running, I loved running almost as much as cycling. I used to love it more than cycling, but lately it's been taxing. I haven't been able to run either. There were times when I would just run and run and keep going without a care in the world. It didn't matter what time I had to return because that was my duty. Running. Going out in the middle of the day while the sun is burning down on everything. Seeing everything wither away while I live at the fullest. The road being so hot that it's scorching my shoes and burning my feet.


It gets more challenging to get into these as things start to arise. Whether it be more responsibility or if my family thinks I need to put them first. Struggles that don't mean anything and aren't worth bothering with, yet they're there.


I keep looking for a training partner to train with. Hoping that she would keep me on track as we train together. Wanting somebody who will be more than a friend. Wanting that person who I will want to surrender everything to. It's tough finding out that there's nobody out there for me.


Recently, I haven't been able to train. . .

Time times 10

1. What time do you wake up?
What time I wake up varies. I have my alarm clock set at 5A.M., but I tend to go back to sleep. Unless I really really am in the mood to cycle that early. Which is what I do during the summer.


2. What time do you start work?
I have the "night" shift. I start work at 11A.M. and get out at 8P.M. My other job, I start at 12P.M. =D


3. What year were you born?
I was born in 1991. Year of the sheep. XD
Smart. Artistic, Kind, Happy, Reserved, Insecure, Dependent


4. What era of history do you like the most?
What? I don't know, this one?


5. What's your favorite month?
My favorite month is July. Why? Because of the 5th. Not Independence day which is on the 4th, but the 5th. =] I'm sure it will be for a while.


6. What was your favorite year?
Favorite year? I would have to say this year.


7. Watches, do you wear them?
Who wears watches now a days? XD I'm just joking. No. I don't wear a watch.


8. How do you keep track of time?
I put a stick in the ground and check it. XD No, I don't do that. PSH! I'm not that skilled. I look on my ipod from time to time.


9. What time do you go to sleep?
I try to go to sleep around eight, but lately it's been around midnight. =\ Work has thrown my sleeping habits off.


10. What time is it now?
Oh, busted, it's 6:02 A.M.


I know I know, a bit lame this week, again. It could be fun if you tried to answer them.

Zero Creativity

I've never been the one to come up with the most original, organic, unique master piece of art in any case. I have won some competitions, but they were never really creative. I only won for the purpose of beauty and realism. There was nothing that has ever come out of me that looked very beautiful.


I've never had an original creation that displayed the "me" in any art. (XD I'm getting repetitive.) I was with the most unique person a few years ago. She had so much art that was amazing! I talk about her frequently, but I personally think that she wouldn't want me talking about her. I just want you to know how much she really influenced my life. More than anybody really knows. I think she doesn't want anything to do with me. Which is okay, that's her decision in response to my terrible decisions.


Well, she always talked about putting herself into her art. Talking with other people who love various forms of art, they also have those same words. "I put everything into my music," or "drawings" or "paintings." It really displays them a lot.


My brother is an artist as well. He did a lot of pastel pictures. They often looked to realistic that they sometimes frightened me. That was talent though! It showed who he was. Original ideas that were real. Meaning? Meaning he was a very organized person who loved the fantasy land, but understood that there were boundaries in dealing with reality. I can tell what he was thinking when he made his masterpieces.


People tend to put their personality in movements. Duh!


I would talk about "her" art as well, but I do not think she would like it. Again, these are my responses to her response, to my terrible decisions. Make sense? Just let me say this, hers was so close in displaying who she was the MOST! EVER! No, you'll never know what my terrible decisions were, so, don't even think about asking.


I love Love LOVE human communication, like no other person that I've met. I'll meet a girl who loves communication as much as me, so, I just have to wait. When I do meet that girl, I'm going to marry her! I just have to wait.


Anyways, back to it.
My writing was never really ever that creative or original. I consider writing art, and so should you. I just love ranting! XD Well, creative writing  was hard for me in school, just ask professor Gharavi. Psycho teacher! But would be able to tell you! XD

10 Television Shows

1. If you were on Fear Factor, would you eat cow intestine or 2 dozen hissing cockroaches?
I would definitely eat cow intestine. XD I already do that! It tastes good. They call it something weird, and it  comes with something weird in some broth. It's not bad. So, I would go with the cow intestine. Not bad. Not bad at all.


2. If you were on survivor, would you rather make a pact or trick everyone to vote against each other?
I would love to make a pact with everybody! Not being deceitful. It's been in me to be in the best standing with everybody. People say it's impossible, but it's not. I can be friends with people who they might consider an "enemy." I am able to show that I have a friendship with that person in front of them even. It always confuses them. So, that's what I would want to do in the show. I'll probably be the first to go anyways. XD


3. If you were on American Idol, what song would you sing for the audition?
1234 by Plain White T's. I follow these people on YouTube. CTFxC. Charles Trippy and Alli Speed. Thy're both amazing people! They're an inspiration to young people everywhere of what it's like cooperating with each other in a relationship. They did a cover for this song and it's always been in my head since I've heard it. I love the way they did. In my opinion. I was better than the original.


4. If you were on America's Got Talent, what would you perform?
You know what. I'm so boring that I would probably just make balloon animals. I have no real talent. I would love to sing though. I've always had desires of singing opera since I was a younger lad.


5. If you made it on Hell's Kitchen, what would you make for Chef Ramsay?
I've always thought of this question every time I watched every episode. "What would I cook for Chef Ramsay?" He seems like the happy person who is easy going and goes with the flow. He has a passion for cooking that I admired and looked up to when I wanted to be a chef. I would make him a nice steak. It would fit him. I think medium would be nice. With the grain, not against it. Cut it just right to hide the fat yet have it keep it's flavor. Mmm. I would definitely give him a salad with some pineapples in it. I love pineapples. Cheery yet elegant. Of course there would be more on the plate, but that's as good as I can get for now. I'll try my cooking skills when I get a wife.


6. The cartoon show Arthur, which character would you be?
XD I would so be BUSTER BAXTER. I'm so much like him. Dumb and hilarious. Plus, he's my favorite character. So, I would fit like a glove in that spot.


7. Which of the ninja turtles would you be? (Don't know who they are? LEAVE RIGHT NOW! XD Just joking.)
I would like to be Donatello. You know, he has that intelligence and stuff, but I would most likely be Michaelangelo. You know, again with the dumbness and hilarious status.


8. Which of the X-men would you be?
Bleh, I dont' like the X-men. If I had to be somebody, which I don't, I would be Magneto. I would want to see how easy it would be to bend metal.


9. PEANUTS! The best show ever! Which character can you relate to most?
Relate to most? Shaking things up a bit, eh? I would mostly relate to Charlie Brown. =O This all sounds to familiar  It's been in my past blog! If you find it, i'll give you a treat!


10. Okay okay, you know it was coming. Pokemon. Which pokemon do you love the most?
XD YES!!!!! I love this question. PIKACHU OF COURSE! I LOVE Pikachu because he's a rodent! A fat cuddly rodent with thunder thighs. XD


Okay, so these questions were fun, right?
You should answer them too. Come on, don't let me be the only one to have fun here!

Frame work

So I've been trying out this new style of clothing.


XD It's not really a new style, more of a twist.
I have nothing but polos and slacks (as I write this wearing pajama shorts and a T-shirt.)


I got suspenders about two years ago and I haven't really worn them.
When I dress super fancy, for a wedding and all, then I wear them.


So, I thought I would try them on today.
I wore a forest green polo with a black tie, the black suspenders and pleated dress pants. I wear pleated dress pants because I have a more thick upper body. Trust me, it's muscle.


I thought it looked nice and I think I'm going to wear them a lot more.


I like this style. PLUS! I just got a snazzy new hair cut from my friend Claudia.
Friend of the family.
Not my friend directly.


Now this new look for me isn't totally working because my glasses' frames are thin.
Wearing tons of glasses (2 prescription and 5 sun glasses) I've come to hate having blind spots.
I get thin frames so I don't have blind spots.
It was mainly for cycling. I didn't like having to turn my head completely around and risk running into something as well as risk riding into a car.


These thin frames aren't working with the look.
So I'm going to get some new frames soon.


I'll take a picture for my profile if you would like to see the changes.


It won't be soon though.


Just an update.